How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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