Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize