In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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