there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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