I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
