C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
