I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Buhtt sex?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
