I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
