The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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