Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
