We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
