By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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