I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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