um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
