I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
