we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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