WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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