At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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