i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian