the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.