Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
