I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
