In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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