I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
