"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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