rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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