Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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