rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
