So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
