Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he was CRYING into my vagina
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
