Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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