There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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