Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
