Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
