You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
