Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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