Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
