some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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