This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
