it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
