he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
