Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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