I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
