She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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