help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
