just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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