he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
