Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
