Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
