dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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