Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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