well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
