It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
