This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
