There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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