He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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