I'm lost and stupid without you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
