i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
