dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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