Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
