I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
