soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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