you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've blown a few things in my day
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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