At least make sure they are 18
Why
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
