Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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