4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
