Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
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I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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