What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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