STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
