"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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