I seem to have left my pride at pride
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
